Sand Or Water? I Prefer a Bed
by ValentineBaby95
Summary: Puck gets new ideas, Finn goes along, his ideas are bad :P Feel free to request, XD
1. Bathing at Beaches

Warning: I don't know what I'm doing! Really I don't but it's my birthday and I deserve SOMETHING over here! And since it's my birthday we all know what this is going to be about right? Right? Good smart followers I'm proud of you. My first try at dialect only.

Pairing: Finn/Puck

Warning II: Um, You may possibly loose every brain cell you've ever had. But it's totally worth it ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own ittt...though I freaking should for today just today.

"I told you it was a bad idea!"

"It was a gre..."

"You say it was a great idea and you will so not be getting in my pants."

"..."

"..."

"Itwasanamazingidea!"

"GAH! It was a TERRIBLE idea. I have sand in places it does not belong."

"Um, and three weeks ago you had me in places I don't belong, didn't see ya complaining then?"

"Puck you are so close to not getting in my pants for the next seven years."

"Oh please you can't hold out that long."

"Oh, I have side friends Puck, don't try me."

"Mm, and these 'side friends' you talk about should I be jealous?"

"Unless they fuck me on a beach and it's better, no not at all."

"Good, I don't do the jealous thing."

"hahahaha!"

"Why are you laughing?"

"You? Don't do the jealous thing? Or don't dig the jealous thing? Puck, you're the most jealous...mmmphh."

"you need to learn to shut up sometimes babe, that's the only way I know that works."

"yeah that and..."

"Did you just...you didn't. I'm hearing things going crazy."

"Mhm, no no I really did say that."

"You said 'that and shoving your dick down my throat'."

"Well I said YOU shoving YOUR dick down MY throat, total difference!"

"How is there a difference from what I said and what you said."

"I didn't say that and me shoving my dick down your throat I said that and you shoving your dick down my throat."

"Yeah, well that's kinda what I meant, I was quoting you."

"..."

"..."

"mhmmm."

"Whatever. And hold on, hold on! I'm sure there are other ways I could shut you up."

"Yeah, babe. Whatever you say."

"Stop smiling like that you're just proving me wrong."

"I have sand in my shorts Puck, can we just go home?"

"NO! Not until we finish this conversation."

"Puuuuck!"

"NO!"

"Fine! God, you're making a scene! What are you? 10?"

"Ew no that's be all creepy. Why? Finn do you picture me as a 10year old, we can help you with that babe, there are places I'm sure."

"Puck! I didn't...that's not what I meant."

"Than what did you mean?"

"YOU STOMPED YOUR FOOT PUCK!"

"I did not!"

"You did too"

"Nu-uh"

"Yeah-huh!"

"nope"

"Uh, yep"

"No I didn't"

"Yeah ya kinda did!"

"Nu-huh"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nu-huh"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nu-huh"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nooo!"

"Oh my god, you did will you get over it."

"..."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"..."

"Are you seriously going to do this?"

"..."

"Okay fine, we'll try it your way but only one more try got it?"

"Fine...can I still top?"

"..."

"Please!"

"...Fine, but if I get sand in places it shouldn't be..."

"Aw don't worry, I'll already be in those places, we can try it in the water this time, so no sand."

"Oh god, do you know what's in that water?"

"So that guy might get a glimpse of your dick, no big deal."

"No big deal my ass you little horny fucker..."

"huh?"

"I said, I can't wait to try this, hurry up so I can suck it."

"Oh, uh, what the fuck?"

"Oh, you know you want my mouth around you're dick."

"Yeah but what does this have to do with..."

"..."

"You know what, no I'm done trying to figure you out Hudson, now c'mon we haven't got all day and I still haven't gotten to fuck you yet today."

"Wait, but what about this morning?"

"..."

"Puck? Puck! Wait! God damnit!"

There is my failed attempt at a story in just dialect. **blink blink** Don't hate! Hehe, no it's really bad huh? Sorry, lots of love and it made ME smile! Did it make you smile! I needed a pick me up, birthdays are supposed to be happy not sad and depressing! :D HAPINESS!


	2. Shower Sex

"Oh let's write a story at 1:20am, it'll be fun" Oh my God, I am so tired! I should update other stories but I've decided I'm going to write another "chapter" for this "story" because I really want to try and get these better.

Finnocent Bystander: As much as it kills me to admit that I was a little bit mad at you're review it's true. Well, I was more upset by the fact you were anon and I couldn't say thanks or ask if you had any more advice. **Pouts** so I guess thanks...and if you have any more advice feel free to tell me. XD

.Rain: That was my one and only intention...it was just to brighten you're day. :P I'm glad I did though.

"Shit!"

"Fuck, I'm so sorry. Finn are you okay?"

"This is why we don't take your ideas as ours!"

"It was a good idea."

"No, no it really wasn't sweetie."

"Pfft, you know it was."

"Are you serious!"

"Yeah, before we actually tried it. You've seen it in movies...it just sounded like a good idea!"

"No! The only thing I'll admit to is that it was better than the beach idea!"

"Finn?"

"No, Puck, whatever you're going to say, keep it to yourself!"

"You have the biggest bruise on you're elbow."

"Oh, I wonder why."

"You don't have to be so mean about it! I just wanted to try shower-sex okay, is that so bad"

"YES! When it leaves me in bruises and you with a bloody nose."

"Hey, it was fun though."

"Which part, when you're head bounced off the wall, when we fell out or when we realized the shower was too small and banged into everything, knocking down everything."

"The part before all that?"

"Oh, you mean the part where we were in your bed talking."

"No, when we first started out we did a really good job!"

"Compared to what? Fucking in sand?"

"HEY! Like you've never had a bad idea!"

"Not when it comes to sex. From now on we're only having sex on a bed."

"That is such a lie, you have really bad ideas when it comes to sex like that time you were all 'Oh we should try that' and we failed, and fell out of the bed."

"One that's because you sucked at it and two I do not sound like that."

"Sometimes."

"nyah."

"Oh yeah, now who's the immature one?"

"Still you, Pucky!"

"Bitch."

"Pft, now we won't have sex at all! Not even in the bed."

"What about a pool table? Oh, that'd be a good idea!"

"No, no it wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because you said it would be! Have you noticed that when you say it'll be a good idea it's not?"

"You're the one who fell out of the shower."

"BECAUSE IT'S TOO SMALL TO HAVE SEX IN!"

"fine."

"Thank you!"

"..."

"What?"

"So, what about a kitchen counter?"

"There's no stopping you with these ideas is there?"

"Nope, sex machine."

"god I hate you."

"I love you too...but my kitchen counter is so totally available right now."

Wow...that was worse than the first one. I think readers should send in the next place they should have sex in :P I'm sorry, I just see Puck as someone who would totally want to try different places. And The title's "Sand or water? I prefer a bed" So my friend was all "OHHHH shower-sex" It just happens. :D

Review because I love you!


	3. Haunted House on Halloween

Based off of Rune101's review and it's only a year late. I shall apologise for that because I let go of my awesome life and didn't feel like updating. I didn't go to school and didn't look at Fanfiction. I am better so now I'll hopefully write more. I really do apologize though. Hopefully you're all still with me and reading if not then dammit. As to my replies to my reviews from year and a month ago.

Rune101: "Complete" only means I have no intention of ideas. However, if I wasn't in such a miserable mood all last year I would've gotten this for you. Sorry but I love you?

.Rain: Pffft haha me have pride ooo don't make me laugh. I'll take anyone's advice if they're willing to give it. Plus see, if I didn't take their advice that chapter would've sucked. XD

Finnocent Bystander: **dies** please love me? As creepy as that is...hehe. But I'm mainly asking cause you're just so awesome. And thanks I have just looked it up now and I think I again...died.

Anyway onto the story!

"I don't know about this Puck."

"ugh, will you stop that!"

"Puck have you heard the stories about that house?"

"Yes, Finn, that's exactly why we should go in there and get off on the couch. To prove everyone wrong."

"I thought you said that you were happy with the uniform."

"And I am! You look fucking sexy! Even if it did take three weeks to convince you to go as a mob wife."

"You really wonder why that is?"

"That just make you my mob wife."

"Mmm, hey, no, we are not going in there. Don't try and use your mouth to distract me either."

"Fiiinn! They are just stories."

"How do you know?"

"Because when has anyone actually seen the dead women chase people out of her house with a butcher knife?!"

"No one gets to see it...Because they DIE!"

"Alright, first off I haven't seen a ghost ever but if that's not enough have you ever even heard of a ghost killing people?"

"Yeah, they said she killed three teens one Halloween because they broke in and smoked."

"Then good thing that I just really want you, maybe she'll be so turned on by our hot sex she'll let us finish and leave."

"Hmm...why do you always have really bad ideas for sex?"

"Look no ones gonna kill us!"

"Alright, fine, but it's only cause I love you Puck."

"I love you too Finn, but can you try not to break my hand."

"I'm scared, what if she just gets mad, wait, don't open the door."

"Too late, look I'm going in if you wanna fuck come join me."

"Puck!...Ugh, Fine!"

"That's what I'm talking about, trust me nothings gonna happen."

"You better be right."

"I'm always right."

"Puck did you hear that!?"

"Finn, goddamnit. Fuck, don't do that. Ah shit. It's an old house Finn it creaks."

"Yeah you're right."

"Mmm, now come on babe, let's get you off."

"Puck?"

"Yeah?"

"As amazing as that was, I think we should get out of here?"

"What? Why?"

"I don't want to die and I just feel like someone's watching us. Puck I'm serious, it's Halloween, let's just go to Rachel's party and we'll go to yours later."

"You really need to losen up with sex Finn...Finn?"

"She's gonna kill us Puck! We trespassed and she's gonna kill us with her butcher knife!"

"For godssake Finn! So instead of pushing me out the door with you, you run outside and leave me!"

"She's gonna fucking murder us and think we're mobsters! Mobsters killed her Puck, oh my god! I hate you!"

"Finn you need to calm down, we're out of the house now let me just shut the door and we'll go to Rachel's house and..."

"Puck if you put you're hand in there to grab the door she'll pull you back in and cut your penis off for fucking me on her couch. I'm too young to die Puck!"

"You're not gonna die!"

"Puck?"

"What!?"

"Did you shut the door?"

"...It was the wind, how about that party!"

"She's gonna follow us to your house and kill us while we're having sex?"

"Really?"

"Why are you happy about that?"

"I just think it'll be a good way to go!"

I'm done, I honestly hate this and think it's horrible but hey it's October so it works XD

PS: For their outfits I'm totally seeing Finn cross dressing and hating his mobster of a husband Puck.

PSS: I based the story off of one near my elementary school, where they said that a woman lived there, except it was filled with booby traps in one story and the other was she killed people with a butcher knife in October, all of October and on Halloween she put out a bucket of candy and killed any kid that tried to grab candy. I hated that house.

PPSS: I hope you liked though, even if I hated it. I think I'd have liked it better with more than just dialogue but meh I'll write it again as a short if you ask politely. Lots of love!


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